There’s a new joke going around. It goes something like, “Tiger Woods hit a tree with his car and a bunch of women fell out.”

Sounds cute, but now the poor guy is knee deep is allegations of infidelity with about a dozen Sugar Babies, there’s talk of hush money that he doled out by the wheelbarrow and even speculation that he’s paying his wife Elin Nordegren $5,000,000 just to stay with him. How can this story get any worse? Well it can.

Mindy Lawton, a busty Florida brunette and one of Tiger’s Sugar Babies is quoted as saying that “Sometimes I looked like a rag doll after we’d made love.” She also divulged that Tiger was “well-endowed” and into marathon S&M romps.

As if that weren’t bad enough, she went on to say that “He really did like it rough. He wanted to spank me and loved pulling my hair as we had sex,” she told the News of the World. “He also liked me to talk dirty to him, but hair-pulling was what really turned him on.”

These are details that we can all live without, but that’s not the point. Lawton broke the Sugar Baby code of silence and by betraying her beloved Tiger she betrayed every Sugar Daddy, past, present or future. She also betrayed Sugar Babies as a collective, leaving the world to believe that any Sugar Baby will spill the beans on her Sugar Daddy if the price is right.

How do we move on from here? One step at a time people, one step at a time.

Most Sugar Daddies are not Tiger Woods, and consequently are not nearly as susceptible to exploitation by the media. Secondly, Tiger has to eat a little of the blame here. It sounds like he may have promised his Sugar Babies a little more than he could deliver.

More than one of Tiger’s Sugar Babies was convinced she was going to be the next Mrs. Woods. Whether he really lead them on or not is difficult to say. But even if he did make some shaky promises in the heat of the moment, that still doesn’t give any Sugar Baby the right to break her vow of silence.

When a Sugar Daddy affiliates with a Sugar Baby he has the same expectation of confidentiality as when he deals with his an attorney, psychiatrist or barber. What goes on in Sugar Daddy land, stays there, or at least it’s supposed to. However, with the aforementioned debacle in mind, it’s important to make sure your Sugar Baby truly understands the code of silence she is supposed to maintain, whether you two are together or not.

Sugar Daddy Soundproofing

The term “gag order” is a little harsh, so we’re going to refer to Sugar Daddy confidentiality as “soundproofing.” The best time to start process this is at the beginning of the arrangement. Get started on the right foot so you don’t have to change direction after things are rolling. Be prepared to ask the tough questions.

For instance, “Honey, if you found out I was dating a dozen or so other Sugar Babies, would you go to the press or release a YouTube video about our sex life?”

Sure, there’s maybe a few different ways to couch this question but it does get the point across. You can tell by Sugar Baby’s answer if she’s going to hold up under interrogation at a later date. If she can’t give you a straight answer or you see that her pupils have dilated (nature’s way of telling you you’re in danger) it may be time to find a more discreet Sugar Baby.

Sugar Baby’s response to this question should be rather unemotional, borderlining on tepid. She has to be able to look you dead in the eye without even the slightest hesitation, and assure you that whatever transpires between the two of you, no matter how twisted, she is willing to take it to the grave.

People are people, and when feelings get hurt everyone has the impulse to lash out. The question is whether or not we act on that fleeting impulse.

In closing, confidentiality is a double edged sword, it cuts both ways. However, rest assured that the Sugar Baby code of silence is not dead; it’s just a little bruised.

Is the Jackie of All Trades better than the dream team of specialist Sugar Babies? Is it more enjoyable to have one Sugar Baby that can ski the black diamond slopes as well as she can fill out a Brazilian t-back, or to have a virtual arsenal of Sugar Babies, each one equipped with her own special skill set?

The answer to that question depends on the Sugar Daddy and of course, the depth of his pocket. For the average man, handling two women is like trying to drive two cars, it sounds great on paper but there is a lot of stopping and starting.

But the Sugar Daddy is anything but average. He is the master of industry, the man who made his first million before he was 30, the very same guy who got his pilot’s license just because the grouper in the Bahamas tastes better than the variety they serve in Miami.

Of course more is better. Or is it?

Lance (not his real name) has been seeing the same Sugar Baby for two years. He’s the out-of-town guy that shows up like Santa Clause when he wants to unwind. The majority of nights with his girl are spent out on the town, not clubbing till 5:00 a.m. but more along the lines of wine bars and Jazz clubs. He likes the stability and the consistency of the relationship.

Did I mention that Lance is also happily married with two children?

“I really don’t want to start talking about right and wrong here,” Lance said candidly. “All I can tell you is what works for me. Having more than one Sugar Baby would be ludicrous. Jasmine (obviously not her real name) is my solace, my getaway and someone I trust to keep our arrangement just between us.”

A lot of Sugar Daddies are like lance. They don’t need to be the king of Sugar Mountain, but they still like the arrangement scene. For the record, Lance’s marriage is rock solid by all practical definition. He has no intention of leaving his wife or leaving Jasmine (still not her real name). He’s a happy man.

Lance has a rather consistent financial arrangement with Sugar Baby. He deposits a specific amount of cash into a checking account every month and that takes care of Jasmine’s rent, phone and essentials. When he comes into town there are nights out, some shopping, but it’s a rather conservative deal.

Which brings us to Cameron. He’s got a lot of time to fill since selling his software company but now he lives his life like he’s the subject of a documentary on living like a rock star. For Cam, the cameras are always rolling.

He’s got a Hatteras that costs more than most people’s homes, has never been married (and seems to be keeping it that way at least for the foreseeable future), and has lots of friends. His only Achilles heel is boredom.

Cam keeps three Sugar Babies in rotation at all times. He’s the perfect delegator. He’s got a travel baby, a club baby and even one he keeps around because she’s a deep water certified scuba diver (really). For a stretch there was even one Sugar Baby in the mix whose sole qualification was that she was a Maxim Girl.

He’s not exactly paying the freight for all three but they all do very well. It’s a pay-as- you-go arrangement as opposed to a defined monthly budget. The girls make out with lots of news clothes, spa days, salon days, flat screen TV’s, bathroom renovations, and anything else you can think of that costs money.

“I’ll admit I am a chronic type A,” Cam Said. “Whether I’m working or playing it’s at full speed. It’s just the way I am.”

As unorthodox as either arrangement may sound, it’s all a matter of perspective. If they were to switch places even for a brief period of time, Cam would be so bored he’d start another software company and Lance’s head would just explode.

So in the end, which arrangement is better? The answer is both and neither. It all depends on the Sugar Daddy and what he’s looking for out of his arrangement (or arrangements).

There’s a first time for everything, but letting on that you’re the rookie never helps. Experienced people, especially wealthy men, only want to associate with other experienced people. Confidence is the key, and a little role playing doesn’t hurt either.

EVERYONE acts and postures, especially in business and social situations. People act like they don’t care when they really do, they act like they’re millionaires when they can’t even pay for lunch, and they act as if they don’t have a problem in the world when they’re really knee-deep in crocodiles.

Fake it until you make it. If you come off like a bumbling geek you run the risk of being the little girl in the school yard with pigtails and braces that no one wants to play with.

Know what people are going to say before they say it and you’ll gain a formidable advantage. Give a little thought to the questions that may come up in conversation with your rich Sugar Daddy at the formative stage of the arrangement.

In any given dynamic, people ask the same five to seven questions at the very most. In your case, there are only one or two questions you need to prepare for so as not to be exposed as a novice. For instance. . .

How long have you been a Sugar Baby?

This is a good one because it’s probably the most commonly asked. Go for something whimsical and don’t take the question too seriously.

“My whole life.”

Great answer! It sets the tone for the relationship and lets Sugar Daddy know you’re serious about being taken care of. Also try the reversal;

“How long have you been a Sugar Daddy?”

This is also a dynamite response because it gets Sugar Daddy talking about himself. Men, above all else, love to talk about themselves.

Possibly he may ask. . .

“Do you do this type of thing often?”

No problem, it’s a variation on the same question. Once again, humor works best.

“Not often enough apparently.”

You just knocked it out of the park. Sugar Daddy is riding high because you just stroked his ego and you came off smoother than Mata Hari. You’re officially running the show.

Another great tactic is to take the initiative and jump in before Sugar Daddy starts asking questions.

“So, do you seduce many women or am I special?”

You may initially think you can’t say this without laughing; it’s a line by every definition of the word. However, with just a little bit of practice it’s a lethal opener. You’re grabbing the high ground and simultaneously giving Sugar Daddy the opportunity to compliment you on how special you really are. It’s a loaded question. You already know where the conversation is going.

Take advantage of every situation to shroud yourself in mystery. Be aloof, create the persona you want to be. You’re embarking on a fresh start with a new benefactor so make the most of the opportunity.

When the Good Ship Sugar Daddy leaves the dock and an enviable arrangement has been established, give yourself a pat on the back for being a consummate professional.

Best of all, you’re only a rookie once and you’ll never be that little girl with pigtails and braces again.

We spend a great deal of time and energy figuring out new ways to lose weight, relieve stress and stay young, but through this forest of self examination we’ve lost sight of the obvious. People who are happy generally don’t stress about anything, including their weight, and have a tendency to look and feel younger than those who forgot how to be a little wild.

Being frivolous is more productive than one might think. Show me the guy having the most fun and I’ll show you the guy making the most money. Show me the guy making the most money and I’ll show you the quintessential Sugar Daddy.

The relaxed and charming Sugar Daddy is going to have a much more satisfying life than the stodgy, burned out, chain smoking executive. He’s the fun-loving fringe player who knows the importance of playtime. The Sugar Daddy weaves a special charisma and abundant enthusiasm throughout the entire fabric of his existence.

If you ask him what his secret is, and you’re lucky enough for him to tell you, he’ll probably say something like “it’s just a matter of being able to let go at will.” The Sugar Daddy knows this life lesson well, and lives by the credo of “let the good times roll.”

People, especially Sugar Babies, are attracted to the Sugar Daddy because his self-assured manner is contagious. He’s the guy with a million great stories, the man everyone wants to know or be, and the guy you can never quite figure out no matter how long you’ve known him. He’s the enigma, the “Go-To-Guy” when the seas get rough, and the man who never forgets the importance of having fun.

He’s successful because he is not driven by success. He is instead motivated by the many exciting and enjoyable things that success brings.

If the Sugar Daddy is not living on the edge he’s just not living. In the same fashion that David Carradine walked the earth in Kung Fu, the greatest television show ever made, the Sugar Daddy walks the earth as well, reaching out to the next Sugar Baby, hoping that his next leap will be the one that brings him home (sorry, that’s actually Quantum Leap).

There isn’t a movie he hasn’t seen, a book he hasn’t read or an idea you’re having that he hasn’t already had. When everyone else at the bar is talking about writing a screenplay, starting a new company, or going spear fishing in the Bahamas, he’s actually doing it.

The Sugar Daddy is a risk taker, but he’s not reckless. He’s a gym enthusiast, but he still respects a good cigar. When others are seeking knowledge he is gathering wisdom.

The Sugar Daddy’s final frontier of self-expression and personal satisfaction hinges on his ability to attract the adoration and unbridled affection of the Sugar Baby. He wants to share his wealth, experience and philosophy with an affectionate and receptive female vessel.

The Sugar Baby’s incompleteness is what makes the Sugar Daddy complete.

Whoever said you can’t have it all was probably the same person who said money can’t buy happiness. These are two legendary rationalizations designed to keep everyone suspended in a state of perpetual malaise. In reality, you can have the best of both worlds without sacrificing your integrity.

Our parents raised us to believe that you can’t buy love, well you can’t. But unless you’re able to get out there and interact with a variety of people, love isn’t going to miraculously roll up upon your doorstep. But whether it’s love or a scorching NSA thrill ride that you’re looking for, the fact of the matter is that things cost money.

Sir Mix-A-Lot, probably one of the greatest philosophical minds of the 21st century, put it best when he wrote, “The honey gets runny when the money gets funny.”

So who are you going to listen to, your parents or Sir Mix-A-Lot?

An old business cohort of mine was one of the shallowest, narcissistic pigs ever to walk the earth. He had medium good looks, liked to work out so his body was solid, but he was completely unremarkable. However, he always had the hottest looking girlfriends. His secret; spend, spend, spend.

Howard (maybe his real name, maybe not) paid for EVERYTHING. He was the first guy I ever knew who bought a car for a girlfriend. It was a lease actually (the car not the girl) but that was only a small part of his largesse. He bought so much jewelry for his dates that a rep from the jewelry store would come into the office once every couple of months with a suitcase full of baubles and booty for Howard to stockpile. His spending was grandiose but completely premeditated.

There were weekends in Cabo, $700 dinners in the middle of the week and NUMEROUS shopping sprees. We all thought he was nuts.

Ironically, his money served as an effective vehicle that allowed him to gain repeated exposure to some of the classiest, most sophisticated women in the city. After years of pushing misogynism to the absolute limits, some class and manners actually rubbed off on the guy. He eventually hung up his six guns and married an Elle Macpherson look-alike.

Last I heard they had two kids and were doing just fine.

The point is that Howard wasn’t looking for love, and the girls who dated him were just into him for the money and the excitement, but the dynamic he created (unintentionally) set the stage for an inevitable romance. You can only rub two sticks together for so long before they catch fire.

So the moral to the story, if there is one, can be interpreted a few different ways.

One way to look at it is that Howard was a schmuck who burned through a lot of cash because no woman in her right mind would date him. The fool was repeatedly separated from his money in an irresponsible spending spree that lasted through three presidential administrations.

Another way to look at it is that Howard was lucky enough to be able to pay for an Ivy League education in how to treat a lady right.

Not every man needs to run out and embark on a wild Sugar Daddy spending spree like Howard, but maybe, just maybe, if a guy repeatedly complains that he can’t get a date, he just might be spending his money in all the wrong places.

Live a little and the possibilities are infinite.

You’re probably familiar with the terms Sugar Daddy, Sugar Baby, Sugar Mommy and Sugar Pup, but just what is a Sugar Angel?

We’re glad you asked.

A Sugar Angel is a full-time Sugar Baby, but one that brings a lot more to the table than just breathtaking beauty. She is poised, intelligent and has star power. She’s the type of woman you can count on to get you on “The List” at the hottest nightclub in Manhattan, to schmooze your law partners into intoxicated trances, and to turn every head, male or female, when she walks into the room.

Sugar Angels are indeed a rare breed. They take pride in their chosen profession and work to stay ahead of the game. She can usually speak more than one language, reads the WSJ on the elliptical trainer every morning without fail, and attends Pilate’s classes with the dedication of an Olympic athlete.

The Sugar Angel can tell the difference between a Harry Winston and a cubic zirconia from a block away. She can confidently order from a wine list, even if it’s in Italian, and her wardrobe is so extensive that no one alive has ever seen her wear the same thing twice.

Her past is mysterious and she is adept at keeping her personal life private, but she is consistent, dependable and a consummate professional. She is meticulous and punctual without sacrificing passion for life.

The Sugar Angel has been to the Cannes Film Festival more than once and is always ready to tell you about her last trip to Vail. She seems to know everyone no matter where she goes and makes loyal friends with a single glance of her piercing blue eyes. You can’t help but love her. Her charms cannot be resisted.

The Sugar Angel’s looks are flawless, from her perfect face down to her always pedied feet, but hold onto your hats gentlemen; she definitely doesn’t come cheap.

If you don’t have a budget of at least $20,000 a month, don’t bother pushing the “send” key on that next e-mail. She takes you seriously so take her seriously. However, for the man fortunate enough to afford the very best, there is no substitute for the Sugar Angel. She is the limited edition Mercedes of the Sugar Daddy dating scene.

Oh, and one last thing, she never negotiates.