In Order to Learn What They Don’t Teach In College You Have to Graduate First

Everyone remembers their college days with a sly grin; almost everyone anyway.

A college education is the cornerstone of any promising professional career, but college is also a time to cut loose and party way more than is socially acceptable in the real world. It is of vital importance to get the insanity of your system while you can. Once you’re in the crunch and grinding out fourteen hour days on Wall Street your partying is definitely going to be compromised.

Unfortunately, the average college student graduates today saddled with more than $60,000 in student loans to repay. Instead of living those last four perfect carefree years to the max, these students wallow in dread, wondering how the hell they are even going to begin repaying their way out of indentured servitude.

Although the student loan people cannot repossess your education if you flake on the payments, they can sure as hell make your life miserable and ensure that you NEVER get to finance anything else ever again; that includes a hot car or a posh loft in SOHO. You’ll be branded a deadbeat for the rest of your life and your credit rating will drag you down like a giant rusty anchor tethered around your precious neck. You’ll be financially crippled.

However, there is a simple solution, for the ladies anyway. Guys, you’re just going to have to do it the old fashioned way – best of luck to you.

See How She Shapes Up

Seeking Tuition

These are fast, strange times we live in, and women have the advantage. More and more adorable, hard-bodied females are holding themselves out as Tuition Babies. These fortunate coeds have an incredible opportunity that simply didn’t exist ten years ago. They can log on to WealthSeeksBeauty.com, post a personal profile and easily find a kind and sensitive gentleman who will gladly pay every last one of their college expenses.

Tuition is just the tip of the iceberg. Food, books, lodging, clothes, medical care, liquor, manicures and lower-back tattoos all cost money. Sugar Daddy is willing to pay for all of the above, and then some. All he wants in return is a little of your time and a lot of your admiration.

Tuition Babies

Tuition Babies or T-Babies are a rare breed in the respect that once they graduate, odds are they’re done with the Sugar lifestyle. They are in it for the short-term, but the beauty of it is that they’re into the Sugar life during what is clearly arguable as their prime.

Tuition Babies range in age from 18 to 24 (unless you count grad students). They can throw back half-a-dozen shots of Tequila and still possess the coordination to do cartwheels on uneven terrain or the edge of a hot tub.

What more could a Sugar Daddy want?

This is not to say that ALL tuition Babies are extras from a Girls Gone Wild video, just most of them. The rest are plenty good too, bringing youth, excitement, enthusiasm and a plethora of other desirable qualities to the table. Sugar Daddy loves every last minute of it, and I have personally met a few of them who date Tuition Babies exclusively. Who could blame them?

The college Sugar Baby is akin to the dewy-petaled rose or the ripe kiwi. They are young, refreshing and unspoiled by society’s pressures and defects. This is not to say that other varieties of Sugar Babies are less desirable, but the college Sugar Baby is innocent without being naïve, she is untamed but not dangerous, and adventurous without being reckless.

The Tuition Baby is the perfect blend of sensuality and curiosity. Enough said.

Sugar Daddies, do your part for higher education and scoop up a Tuition Baby before the next graduating class joins the workforce, top-heavy in high-interest debt and generally disenchanted with life.

Tuition Babies, log on to WealthSeeksBeauty.com NOW and post your personal profile immediately before the people from Visa send a hitman to your dorm.

Once-In-A-Lifetime Opportunities Only Happen Three or Four Times

I had the good fortune to have dinner with some old friends the other night. All in all, this does not sound like a major accomplishment, but when your inner circle consists of in-demand artists, investment bankers and other self-determined powerhouse business types, time becomes a scarce commodity. Consequently, the time you do get to spend together becomes all the more precious and the conversations tend to be a lot more to the point just the way I like it.

He Makes How Much?!

One rather attractive 35-plus blonde (let’s call her Jesse) told me a story about her only single regret. She had been quasi-engaged to a man when she was 19. She worked hard at her craft while he seemed to have inordinate amounts of spare time. She never really stressed over money but she hustled to pay the bills. On the other hand, he seemed that he couldn’t have cared less about cash flow. The topic of finances never even came up between them in the course of general conversation.

About two years into the relationship her boyfriend’s father bought him and his two brothers, red, white and blue Mercedes (for real). She thought it was a little eccentric at the time but the mind of a 19 year-old blonde artist is a wonderful thing. She hadn’t accumulated enough life experience to realize that the very man she was already dating, a good-looking guy who was madly in love with her I might add, was actually a VERY well-off lad who could provide her with a storybook existence without really asking for anything in return except loyalty, appreciation and maybe, just maybe, what poets and Hallmark executives refer to as love.

You Don’t Know What You Got Until It’s Gone

Jesse and her young suitor dated for about two years but she figured that if she didn’t break up with him right then and there she would never break up with him (sound logic when you’re 19). In her mind, guys with fathers who doled out Mercedes for birthday presents roamed the streets like feral pack animals. If she ever wanted to circle back around and find another one just like him all she had to do was look up from her canvas and there would be at least two or three of them standing in line like old women waiting at a deli counter.

She was wrong.

More than two decades of dead-end dating ensued and just three years ago she discovered accidentally that her ex-boyfriend was one of the wealthiest men in the northeast. We’re not going to name his home state or get into any more detail about him aside from the fact that he actually made the Forbes’s list.

Jesse leads a rich and meaningful existence but not a single day goes by when she doesn’t think about what might have been. She imagines that posh gallery in SOHO packed with her originals, New York’s elite climbing over one another like hungry dogs, clawing at other’s backs for the opportunity to buy a piece of her artwork regardless of the price. Her mind replays scenarios of her setting up her easel somewhere in Nice or Marseille, overlooking the water and painting from the perspective of a very, very wealthy woman.

This is not to say that her art is any less desirable, or that she is any less desirable, for that matter. It’s just that timing is more important than most people realize.

Without the exposure that can be generated by having a disgustingly wealthy husband, her paintings sell for about $5,000 to $10,000 apiece as opposed to $500,000 to $1,000,000 a piece. That’s the most amazing thing about art, collectors actually buy the artist.

A part of her believes that she’s missed the boat, but nothing could be further from the truth. Jesse is still Grade A Sugar Baby material, and there are thousands of wealthy Sugar Daddies out there who would crawl through broken glass to set her up with that dream gallery or buy her very own set of red, white, and blue Mercedes.

The moral to the story is that it is never too late to find the Sugar Daddy of your dreams. The key is making your life experience work for you, not against you. Replace regret with ambition.

When the universe unfolds again and Jesse is afforded with yet another opportunity to settle down with another fabulously wealthy Sugar Daddy she’ll seal the deal this time.

In closing, buy her artwork while it is relatively cheap. Once she is the toast of Manhattan you’ll have to stand in line just like everyone else.

If you don’t want to get even more depressed about your current economic bog, then don’t watch the evening news or pick up a paper. Doom, gloom, despair, and a bunch of other droll adjectives prevail in this economy, but rest assured Baby that help is just around the corner.

If you’re young, female (or male) and having trouble paying for even the bare essentials of life, then it’s time to retool your thinking. Since the haves seem to keep getting richer while the have not’s continue getting broker (if that’s actually possible) get ready to market your strongest asset, your youth.

Whether you believe it or not, there are tens of thousands of wealthy men (and a few well-to-do women) who are on standby right now just begging for the opportunity to come to your rescue. But in order to be saved it is essential to abandon your stereotypical beliefs about Sugar Daddies (and Sugar Mommies) before going any further.

If you’re concerned about being branded a sellout then comfort yourself with the knowledge that NOBODY gets anywhere in life without a little help from his or her fellow man (or fellow benefactor). The only difference is that in the age of the Internet you don’t have to send smoke signals or sit around helplessly waiting for the cavalry to arrive.

Getting out of your economic slump is as easy as posting a Sugar Baby personal profile.

If you have any reservations or preconceived notions about Sugar Daddy Dating it is time to put them aside; if not for yourself, then for the good of the national economy itself.

Use Your Assets!

Your country needs you to step up as a Sugar Baby, and here’s why.

1. When the Bills are Paid Plans Get Made

How can you possibly develop to your fullest potential if you’re spending 60 hours a week just trying to pay the bills? You can’t – it’s a rhetorical question.

Sugar Daddies can free up your time so you can finish that master’s degree, start a dream business or develop a cure for cancer or baldness. We have no way of knowing if the next Marie Curie or Jenna Jameson is waiting tables right now instead of getting down to some real earth-shattering innovations. The thought that the next breakthrough in deep space travel or cold fusion is currently unrealized because the hostess at Scores doesn’t have the time to attend MIT is completely unconscionable.

With a little help from a benevolent Sugar Daddy that cocktail waitress could be splitting the atom in no time (or at least finishing NYU film school). Everyone benefits.

2. Equity Replaces Debt

Like most Americans Sugar Babies are top-heavy with debt. Credit cards, car loans, student loans, and Victoria’s Secrets store cards don’t just compromise Sugar Baby’s financial well being; these debts hurt all of us because they create economic drag.

What is a girl to do?

If Sugar Baby doesn’t get her nails done at the salon, the salon owner can’t pay the rent, the landlord can’t pay his mortgage, the bank is forced to foreclose, the real estate market is depressed even further and the recession trudges forth.

However, what is an insurmountable obstacle to Sugar Baby and a threat to global economic stability is just a minor detail for an established Sugar Daddy. All he has to do is rollover with the spare change in the ashtray of his Mercedes and VOILA, problem solved.

With Sugar Baby elevated financially to “par” her options improve dramatically. She can move ahead and take advantage of employment opportunities that were previously unrealistic. If just one Sugar Baby is afforded the opportunity to start her dream business then the GNP upticks. Keep in mind that today’s start-up ventures are the Fortune 500 companies of tomorrow. Investing in Sugar Babies is sort of like speculating in penny stocks or currency futures, sort of.

3. Give Sugar Baby a Fish, She Eats for a Day. Teach a Sugar Baby to Fish. . .

Sugar Daddies possess valuable business connections. They can open doors for Sugar Baby that she may not have even known existed. Sure he’s going to spot her some well-needed cash, but a lot of determined Sugar Babies get off on making their own money.

Sugar Daddy can not only help Sugar Baby land a job, but he can be an invaluable resource in helping Sugar Baby get high-paying clients if she is an artist or decorator, or running a wide variety of other high-end service businesses.

Whether Sugar Baby goes on to become the hottest caterer in Manhattan or the most sought after wedding planner in the Hamptons, she’ll have her Sugar Daddy to thank for it. This is not to say that Sugar Baby can’t make it on her own; success is inevitable to those with focus and determination. But Sugar Daddy can definitely speed things up a bit; helping the cream rise to the top where it rightfully belongs.

4. Sugar Daddy’s Cash Infusion Stimulates All Economic Sectors

With Sugar Baby back on the map financially, she is free to spend. While some people may view buying expensive shoes, clothes, jewelry and spa treatments as frivolous and irresponsible, the reality is that Sugar Baby’s spending sets off a chain reaction that stimulates the economy as a whole.

Let Daddy Invest in YOU!

Cash starved businesses thrive on spontaneous spenders and the money they receive trickles down to employees, vendors, landlords and the like. Those entities, in turn, have more money to spend on essentials as well as non-essentials. It is virtually impossible to calculate the benefit generated by some free-wheeling Sugar Baby spending.

Ladies, if you were raised to believe that good girls don’t date men for money, you were obviously raised by the Amish. If you learned in school that that by studying and working hard you could accomplish anything, the textbooks you read were probably printed in the 1950’s. You’ve been duped.

In this economy all bets are OFF. You owe it to yourself, and those maybe not quite as hot as you, to get out there and make Sugar Daddy dating work for you. Your country depends on it.

Not Any More Boss

Men, imagine a world where you can date the hottest women on the planet with absolute confidence. No more “Will she or won’t she?” “What should I say?” or “What if she just doesn’t dig me?” No more. . . “She’s Out of My League.”

These banal insecurities are now the sole and exclusive domain of washout guys who have to beg for scraps. In other words, if you’ve got the money then scrap the dating scene and be a Sugar Daddy. Let the illiquid and uninformed frustrate themselves night after night by associating with women who don’t know the lay of the land. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and now is the time for you to enjoy yourself to absolute legal limits.

Sugar Daddies call the shots, in the bedroom and out. Sugar Daddy Dating is the world’s purest example of the Golden Rule; you’ve got the gold so you warp the rules to fit your own self-serving agenda. There are more Sugar Babies who will dance to your beat than you could ever imagine. I mean THOUSANDS of them; and they are all HOT-HOT-HOT.

Women are no fools. They know that the ratio of Sugar Babies to Sugar Daddies is about 20-1, so the ones that are in the game are in it to win it. Picture, if you will, 20 women fighting for your attention and affection like starving lions; pouring on the sultry sex appeal like honey being drenched over a giant bowl of sugar cubes. Nothing could be sweeter.

The best part of the Sugar Daddy Dating scene is that you can pull the plug at any time if the game is not going your way. She’s too tall, next; her hair isn’t quite right, next; talks too much, next-next-next. You are officially out of her league more often than not.

The days of worshipping that blonde hottie from afar because you were pretty damn sure she was dating some hotshot, polo-playing millionaire are OVER. You are that hot shot millionaire now so step up and take your reward, take it with pride and without hesitation.

Take a flyer guys!

The competition to hook a Sugar Daddy has become so fierce that many women consider it a career. They’re hitting the gym twice as much as they used to, highlighting a dog-eared copy of the Kama Sutra while getting some radical hair extensions and scheming with every last bit of their female wiles how to win you over and blow your mind in bed.

The traditional dating dynamic has been knocked on its ass by a bad economy and a raging polarization of the haves and have nots. Men, if you’re fortunate enough to be one of the haves then you owe it to all those struggling bastards who came before you to cowboy up and wrangle as many Sugar Babies as is economically possible.

Think of your poor grandfather who came to this country and drank cheap beer while fantasizing over women like Greta Garbo and Veronica Lake (if you don’t know who they are then trust me, they are way hot). The guy never even had a remote shot at hedonistic pleasure.

He worked 60 hours a week, swallowed his pride along with a lot of overcooked chicken, paid the mortgage and sent your old man to college. You owe it to good old Gramps to post a Sugar Daddy personal NOW and drag your fair share of smokin’ tail back to the man cave.

There were tons of women that were out of his league, but this cosmic injustice has been righted. Sugar Daddy Dating is to men (real men anyway) what cheese is to pizza; the two need each other to achieve their full potential.

She’s Out of My League – no way brother. You own the league.